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Feb. 16th, 2010 @ 04:55 pm (no subject)
Current Location: LL
Current Music: The Beatles - Across the Universe
That's the real question, isn't it? How is this going to play out? How is this going to read on paper? It's really a question of what narrative am I going to choose. Will it be one of being beaten into submission by setback after setback? One of surrender? Or will it be one of redemption after multiple failures? Pushing off the dusty floor slowly. Brushing beads of sweat and dirt from my eyes, falling again, repeat - but with some kind of final push that births a victory that doesn't feel shallow or taint, instead terminal, conclusive, and replete. And so begins the quest to find requiem after a storm of troubles.
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Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 08:05 pm listening to "The Wallflowers - The Difference" on Blip
Current Music: lowers - The
I joined Blip b/c @azizansari suggested it. Really glad I did now. This song is full of nostalgia for me. Jr. High great time to get into music.
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Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 07:57 pm listening to "Billy Joel - Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" on Blip
Current Music: l - Lullabye (Goodnight
Just joined and got RB'd by a vet @Modster. Blip already>Twitter. Better f/u w/ a good one so here's one of the great lyricists of all time Billy Joel
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Oct. 11th, 2009 @ 07:48 pm listening to "Big Star - Thirteen 1972" on Blip
Current Music: - Th
Amazing song by the supremely underrated band Big Star.
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Jul. 10th, 2009 @ 12:28 am (no subject)
Current Location: LL
Current Music: Owl City - Rainbow Veins
It's vacation time again and you know what that means? It means I finally have time to go on dates! While this time was a pleasant surprise, I should probably make the most of it. It's sad that I look at time off as time to improve my social life, but such is the life of a medical student - well, many of my peers are married or seeing people, so I suppose such is the life of me. My busy bachelor life is in full swing and I'm well and content with where I'm at. I see many of my friends/relatives getting engaged/married/committed, but I'm pretty happy just keeping it to just me. I think I realized that I have a lot of personal growth to do before I can be the right person for someone else. It seems like others in relationships know things I have yet to figure out in order for me to be good for someone else. Plus the excitement of being able to set off to anywhere at anytime when school is over is compelling enough to keep me from feeling like I'm somehow missing out on something.

My mom is down for the weekend, as is Ernie and his fiance. It'll be nice to hang out with EP after so many months. It's too bad he's only down for the weekend. I've been playing the guitar a lot more lately. Bought a nice amp - finally - restrung Gillian, polished her up and she sounds good as new. I'm trying to get the truss rod engraved with the name Gillian. Like BB King has Lucille. Its nice that my new roommate Pete plays the guitar so I think we've been feeding off each other. I am super rusty and it'll take some time before I get calluses back in my fingertips. I've found a lot of good summer music and am compiling a huge summer playlist. And lastly, I'm trying to plan a trip for at least 4-5 days. Not sure where to go, but I've narrowed it down to either camping so Yosemite (although deep down I want to go to Glacier National Park), Chicago, NYC, or San Fran/Seattle. It all depends on how pressed for time I feel which depends on how much studying I get done. I start pediatrics in August possibly in Los Angeles for inpatient and then I do outpatient in September and family medicine in October. If all goes to plan I'll be taking boards in late December early January. All that is left is for me to dust off my filters and start taking pictures again. It's nice to feel like myself again.
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Jul. 6th, 2009 @ 01:04 am This Week in the Year 2008
Current Location: Loma Linda, CA
Current Music: John Mayer - The Hurt
I can't believe it's been a year since I started rotating through the hospital. So much was happening at this time last year - so many changes and challenges. There is something to be said of the passage of time between wounds. A relationship was broken, two of my best friends moved away, and I found out I had failed a test all in the same week. All those events happened one year ago exactly to the week. I've come full circle. I finished my hardest rotation, those same two friends are returning this week to visit, and I am on amiable terms with Tabasco - in the exact same week as last year. Life is strange that way. I have the month off and it feels great. I really want to make use of this week. On top of studying for my surgery shelf exam I want to get some traveling in, relax, pick up the guitar and play regularly, keep running hard until I break that 6 minute mile (I'm running about a 6 minute 30 second mile currently), did I mention travel? There are some concerts I want to see. Hell, I may just buy a ticket and just fly somewhere for the weekend. I'm feeling really optimistic about the next year. I hope things work out. I want balance. I want everything - in appropriate digestible portions.
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May. 26th, 2009 @ 01:52 am (no subject)
Current Location: LL
Current Music: Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
My roommate Jenny is moving out tomorrow. That's sad in and of itself since we've been roommates for the last 2 years, but what really got to me was her dog Riley leaving. I really became attached to old Riles. She's half the reason I started running. I took her for her final run today. We went our standard route, but instead of continuing to speed up to try to break the sustained 6 minute mile I let Riley hang out at her favorite spot. After she was done checking it out she faithfully came next to me and laid down and I gave old Riles a big hug. I'm going to miss Riley and Jenny. I hope Riley remembers me the next time I see her. The house won't be the same without them.
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May. 18th, 2009 @ 09:57 pm (no subject)
Current Location: LL
This message might sound cryptic and I don't really expect or even want anyone to understand.

I got what I needed to get off my mind tonight. I just couldn't handle having to hear things that destroyed me and feeling like I had to bite my tongue every time to stay the good friend. It felt like my feelings were totally disregarded or not even considered and my insides churned every time I heard some things. I'm a rationale person - I am mature enough to be able to handle most things - but there are limits. I think the most telling thing about this friendship is that once I said my piece I was completely shutout and ignored - given the silent treatment. This is complete and utter bullshit. If I cannot speak my mind freely, as I have allowed this person to do for quite some time without getting the silent treatment in return, then this is the most parasitic relationship with another person I've ever been in. And I'm at the end. I don't need this. I always felt like I was the type of person who would never give up on another person, especially someone I've fostered a relationship of any kind with. I have tried my damnedest to be kind, to bite my lip and take some punches and give my words of encouragement or advice even when it pained me to do it. I just don't think I have the emotional energy or fortitude to continue to give of myself so freely and when I proffer up some thoughts of my own be rejected so soundly to continue being as active a participant in this friendship as I have. I'm going to pull back. It's going to hurt to lose a close friend, but unless I can get feedback when I give my thoughts I just don't see how this can work. It hurts me too much when my feelings are returned with a cold, icy silence.
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Apr. 29th, 2009 @ 10:36 pm The Amazing Run
Current Location: LL
Current Music: A Flock of Seagulls - I Ran
Quite an incredible day as far as running goes. So I'm probably on week 4 of my 6 days of running per week thing. I went my usual 3.5 miles or so and since there are lots of up hill areas I tend to slow down once I reach the top and catch my breath. Today was amazing - I got to the top of the first steep hill and felt absolutely no tiredness in my legs. So I kept going and I got to the next hill and still nothing and kept going. Then I got to the third hill and nothing. Finally I was on the loop heading back home and was still not tired or anything. I felt like I was cheating somehow so I picked up the pace and started sprinting the last mile and a half. Got back to the house after an all out run for the last quarter mile and while I was a little out of breath my legs weren't tired at all. I felt like I could have gone around again, but I wanted to see how fast I had done it in. Twenty minutes! I'm usually a 10 minute a mile runner. So to be under 6 minutes a mile and sustain it is mind boggling right now. Running has never been my thing - was always too boring for me, I needed stimulation and something to distract me so I could keep exercising - some goal like winning a game or something. I could probably play 3 straight hours of basketball easier than a 50 minute run. So far this was great. I'm almost tempted to increase the length of the run now, but I want to see if it is the same way tomorrow. Maybe I was just on an energy kick and my mind was so distracted that I didn't pay attention. Wunderbar!
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Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 07:06 pm (no subject)
Current Location: Loma Linda, CA
Current Music: Switchfoot - Lonely Nation
Surgery is going to be a beast... 12 weeks, 1 down. Since I'm on the specialties portion of the rotation it hasn't been too bad, but I know I need to take advantage of this time to study hard for the mock board at the end of June.

I checked my weight earlier this week and I'm down to 207 from a whopping 233 last January. I'd like to be at 200 by the middle of next month. Then hopefully another 10 by July and then another 5 before August. This is going to require increased efforts both in terms of exercise and reducing fatty intake. Weight loss usually comes quickly at first before plateauing for a while and then dropping again so I can't expect to continue losing weight at a rapid pace.

I realize that my schedule in school all but makes it impossible to meet new people. And unlike a regular college environment - the medical school is self-contained and never interacts with the other branches of the university. Hell, we don't even interact between the classes. I suppose I am in a place of contentment as far as who and what is involved in my life. It wasn't more than a year ago at this time that things sort of melded together for me, utterly unexpected, but life-shaking nonetheless. It will most definitely be one of those lasting memories of youth I know I'll always keep with me. Just like that experience, I am hopeful the future will only have better relationships and better people entering my life, with new experiences and memories. I just need to be concerned with myself (as selfish as that notion seems) and make sure I am continuing to grow and improve as a person - in all aspects of life - professional, personal, educationally, physically, and mentally.
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